I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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