the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
