I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Farmville is her only friend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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