every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
