we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
