she woke up with a sticky ear
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
