it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
