I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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