My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
