It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
COCAINE IS GR8
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
