That's intense
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
