11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
