so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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