i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
