Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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