she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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