As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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