I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
