I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
