He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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