Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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