She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
