I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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