My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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