I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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