mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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