I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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