I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize