Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
