you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
