dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
