its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
