dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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