I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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