I want to have your abortion
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
