Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
