How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
