should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
