His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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