You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
