I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just want nice things and good sex
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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