are you still at the devil's house?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
