These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
