Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
