i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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