Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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