God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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