how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
