butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
