so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
