Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
