You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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