I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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