sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
