On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
