I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
