Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You made out with two different species that night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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