Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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