it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
