If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
