Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
