How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
