I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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