yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
