you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
