Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
