Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
