Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
