we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
