I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
