i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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