I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
