his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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