We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
