I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
