I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
