My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
