I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
