we have officially lost it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
